The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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