Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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