Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
