a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
