It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize