He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pants are for mortals
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
