i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize