I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
