so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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