Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
