The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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