Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
