just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize