Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
