After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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