Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
