Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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