So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
