Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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