If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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