Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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