is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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