We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
