Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
