My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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