Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
