He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
