He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
