the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
