shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
