Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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