i already hear my dad disowning me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
