I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
