Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
