If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
