Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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