I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
