You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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