It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize