ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We got so high we made milksteak
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There r osticjed everywhere
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
