remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
