Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
