about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
