I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't deserve a penis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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