what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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