that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
