is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
