so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
