I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
