the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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