i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
