is your mom at the bar?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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