They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
