Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
