I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
