Farmville is her only friend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
