listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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