Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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