I need help removing her.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
