Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
