he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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