He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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