Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize