Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
