Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
