My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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