Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
